9pm - It's 9pm and I can't get in touch with Joe, who I have plans to go out with. I look at Josh and ask, "Josh, do you want to go get drunk?" "Kind of," he replies. Cait tells us to go have a guys nite and Josh and I don't hesitate to oblige her.
10pm - After a train ride intot eh Village and a stop to get cash, Josh and I make it to Bar None - a bar which promises $2 drinks every nite from 11pm to midnite. We order a drink inside, where it seems to empty to be a bar in New York. Josh's Guinness is $6, my Whiskey and Coke is $5.
10:32pm - A shot girl comes up to us offering something orage with vodka or a Jagerbomb. I choose the Jagerbomb. Through the flirting she's required to go through with me, I find out that she's a Penn State, marketing student. She mentions something about an internship in the city, but I don't remember much of what she said about it. I can only guess selling overpriced shots to eager twenty-somethings is what she meant.
11:01pm - Josh orders a $2 Whiskey and Soda Water. I try to order 5 of my drinks and the bartender tells me they have to give them to me one at a time during the special.
11:04pm - I order my third drink.
11:08pm - My fourth drink and a call from Joe telling me he and his girlfriend are heading into Manhattan to meet up with us by around midnite. Along comes drink number five.
11:15pm - A girl named Jacqueline approaches Josh and I and tells us she's the event planner for the bar. She asks us how we like the place and we tell her we like it fine. I give her a fake name as Josh fills out the mailing list. Afterwards, Jacqueline buys Josh and I each a drink.
11:30pm - After six drinks and a shot, I'm starting to think I should slow down. I find the restroom, and after my go, man the table as Josh has his.
11:45pm - Jacqueline comes back and asks us where our drinks are. I tell her I've had seven already. She buys Josh and I another each.
12:02am - Joe arrives and the four of us decide to go to a place he describes as "a Johnny Cash bar."
12:25am - We enter Doc Holiday's (the Johnny Cash bar) and find seats at the bar. Joe tells me to order four PBR pounders and tells me I'll be surprised at how cheap it is. I order the beers and he's right, I am surprised - $16 is far too cheap for four PBR's.
12:32am - "Ring of Fire" comes on the jukebox, and the stocky, suicide girl of a bartender jumps on the bar laces a shot in her mouth and ignites it, causing a fireball to erupt. She then sprays the crowd down with seltzer water.
12:44am - Joe orders another round of beers.
1:15am - I order another round of beers.
1:35am - I make my way to the bathroom. After, I put a dollar in the jukebox which contains no records by what you would call "modern" artists, and what the juke does have hasn't been released since 1972 save the one Johnny Cash record from the oughts it has. I pick two songs, but somehow notice that I have ten more plays. I tell some douchebag ina polo shirt that I have plays left if he wants.
2am - Joe orders what will be our final round at the bar. He tells me about job offers he's gotten, and speaks highly of his girlfriend, who earlier inthe evening I asked ot teach me Russian. I don't remember her response.
2:30am - We depart the bar and suddenly my drunkenness kicks into overdrive. I start calling random girls, "baby" and tell some random guy on the street to "leave me the fuck alone." A few blocks later some girls on a balcony that I cna't see start shouting into the street, "I can see you!" I lie and shout back, "I can see you!" We go back and forth for a few minutes until I spot a bike on the street and try to steal it - turns out it's chained though.
2:40am - I see another bike and try to steal it until I notice a bottle of wine housed in it's basket. Upon finding out the bottle is empty, I smash it on the sidewalk.
2:50am - We arrive at 4th ave. and after goodbyes that seem to take ten minutes, begin to art ways. I see a guy at the corner, and ask, "where the fuck did you come from?" My friends apologize for me.
3am - I tell Josh I'm hungry and find an open food cart. I order up a chicken kebab and with food in mouth proclaim, "you are the man! seriously, you rule!" to the vendor.
3:04am - Josh and I head into the subway but it turns out my metrocard expired at midnite. We walk across the street to the station with an open card machine and buy myself a one trip ticket. The sensation of needing to relieve the biggest piss int eh world hits me as we get to our platform.
3:20am - While standing I stumble and Josh gets scared that I'll fall onto the train tracks. he tells me to lean against the subway map as a lonely saxophone begins to play. "This is awesome!" I say. I begin improvising words and singing along. I don't remember any of it, but Josh tells me, "well, the saxophone was good."
3:40am - The Q train arrives and Josh and I get on it. I have no recoolection of anything until we arrive at our stop half an hour later when, surprisingly, Josh is able to wake me up, and even more surprisingly, I haven't pissed myself.
4:20am - We get back tot eh apartment. In the midst of taking off my clothes, I launch a quarter from the inside pocket of my jeans across the room. It seems like the coolest thing ever at the time, but i pass out anyway.
10am - I wake up with the worst headache known to man to the sounds of pots and pans as I groan, "Ow!" from the couch. Cait tells me she's making blueberry pancakes and bacon and that their's Orange Juice in the fridge. Josh and Cait are the best people ever.
